i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
