Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
