I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
