yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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