belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
