Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
