I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Don't make out with my wife yet
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
