i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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