I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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