I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
