I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Randomize
