i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
