Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
