Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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