so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
