guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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