I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
