Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Randomize
