I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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