I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
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