so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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