So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you mean i was at the winter classic?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
