Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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