Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
this will be a night to untag.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
