I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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