GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
