he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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