i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
