She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
