Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
