I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
