I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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