According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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