i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
