Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
