Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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