Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
