I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
