When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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