the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Randomize
