I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I think i got beer on your cat.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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