You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
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