I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
