We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
