Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
