My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
