I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
So squirting runs in the family.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
