Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
