I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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