I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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